This quote hit really hard. I wouldn’t say I actually see in black and white or think in greys. But I certainly love in color.

Those that I love or that I let ‘in’ know that I love hard but to those that I don’t let past the front door think I am a pretty heartless person.

I’m not but that doesn’t stop them from thinking it.

I don’t give most of them the chance to think any differently though.

I’ve been hurt more times than I can count. I am guarded. And, I don’t trust all that easily. I don’t let anyone in unless they’ve earned it.

This isn’t the best way to live though. It gets pretty lonely.

I am constantly trying to be more open and vocal – vulnerable and express my feelings because I want to. I want people to see me as someone that loves deep and not a heartless being with no feelings and a blackened heart.

I deserve the same love that I give.

I deserve to share my feelings and emotions with someone without judgment.

I deserve to feel comfortable and be my complete self with someone.

I want to teach my kids that it is ok to FEEL. To cry. To be happy or sad. To express themselves and use their heart.

It’s just taking quite a bit of time, so please be patient with me.

It will be worth it in the end.

25/52:

( We’re tied this week because this is something that starts with both my eyes and my words. )

I had an idea of slowing painting my self in color with a series of images, I took the images but creating that idea isn’t panning out as I hoped. These images are solid in color AND in black and white and speak volumes in either form without blending them as I planned to do.

Let’s talk a little bit about the concept and how all the elements support this concept.

“Somebody to Love” — Queen

Hands down my FAVORITE song.
Queen is really an all-time favorite.

But this song –

Ooh, each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet
(Take a look at yourself) Take a look in the mirror and cry (and cry)
Lord, what you’re doing to me (yeah yeah)
I have spent all my years in believing you
But I just can’t get no relief, Lord!
Somebody (somebody) ooh somebody (somebody)
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

I work hard (he works hard) every day of my life
I work ’til I ache in my bones
At the end (at the end of the day)
I take home my hard earned pay all on my own
I get down (down) on my knees (knees)
And I start to pray
‘Til the tears run down from my eyes
Lord, somebody (somebody), ooh somebody
(Please) can anybody find me somebody to love?

Everyday (everyday) I try and I try and I try
But everybody wants to put me down
They say I’m going crazy
They say I got a lot of water in my brain
Ah, got no common sense
I got nobody left to believe in
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Oh, Lord
Ooh somebody, ooh somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
(Can anybody find me someone to love)

Got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat (you just keep losing and losing)
I’m OK, I’m alright (he’s alright, he’s alright)
I ain’t gonna face no defeat (yeah yeah)
I just gotta get out of this prison cell
One day (someday) I’m gonna be free, Lord!

Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love love love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Somebody somebody somebody somebody
Somebody find me
Somebody find me somebody to love
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
(Find me somebody to love)
Ooh
(Find me somebody to love)
Find me somebody, somebody (find me somebody to love) somebody, somebody to love
Find me, find me, find me, find me, find me
Ooh, somebody to love (Find me somebody to love)
Ooh (find me somebody to love)
Find me, find me, find me somebody to love (find me somebody to love)
Anybody, anywhere, anybody find me somebody to love love love!
Somebody find me, find me love

This is song is ultimately how I feel, I want somebody to love. But I also want someone to love ME.

Therefore this shirt was the perfect choice for taking these selfies and furthering my intent.

I am in shorts and sandals because the more skin that shows the more naked I am.
Showing up like this with my vulnerability in hand and spewing it like word vomit is absolutely making me feel naked.

I chose an abandoned-looking building (it’s still very much in use, its an autobody shop!) because this supports the fact that my ability to love and show vulnerability is broken, it’s old, and it’s been abandoned for a while.

But it’s still there, and with some TLC it will be just fine.

The white of the building represents purity.

And, my heart is pure.

❤️